If I Die
by amieofabc
Summary: A street urchin joins finds family in Gavroche and the Barricade Boys. Some Enjolras/OC, mostly one-sided. Rated T for language and violence, enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

His name's Thenardier, I've heard it from the people in town. They say he ran an inn that's now in shambles, a master brought to ruin by greed. It's not uncommon. When you're the best in town you feel like you can be careless. Carelessness is what always does the best in in my experience.

The point is that I need to find this man. If he's run an inn as long as they say he has, if he really was the best in town, then he's not an idiot. And now that he's on the street he'll know what to do. He knows he needs friends on every corner, people he can buy off or sell at a moment's notice; he needs a gang. He needs a gang and I need to be part of one, those who walk alone don't last long. Funny how these things work out.

A girl too young to know she should be charging me for information gave me his description. His wife's, too. Large people she said, so either they haven't been homeless long or they already know how to make a good way. It didn't take me more than two hours to find them after a few inquiries, the city's always been good to me. I was two steps towards their camp when I felt a tug on my wrist, pulling me backwards.

_"Urchin!" _I hissed, yanking my arm away. I looked down at the face of a boy, maybe nine years old. He didn't let go. "Get off!"

"Where're you goin'?" he demanded. _Demanded._

"What's it matter to you?"

"You were gonna try and join up with the Thenardiers, weren't you?"

"_What's it to you?"_

He finally let go so he could step back and size me up. "You're tough, I can tell. Probably clever too if you found them. You can do better than their lot."

I laughed. "What, are you out recruiting? Bit old for you, aren't I?"

"Oh shut up. I've got older than you, you're not more'n seventeen, are you? I can guarantee you you'd get a better cut with me than them."

"Eighteen, thanks." I muttered, "And how can you guarantee that, huh? I bet you ain't even in charge. What's your name?"

"I know them, that's all." He shifted a little when he said that, just a movement of his weight from one foot to the other. "And it's Gavroche. I got plenty o' people and a decent patch and I'm better than Thenardier about recruiting girls."

"Looked like he had a few." although the kid had a decent pitch; I was swaying.

"His daughter plus a few extras. But they never get to do a thing so they get the smallest cuts." his stare was intense for someone so young. This...Gavroche knew what he was talking about.

"Fine. Trial run, sound good?"

He shook his head, his hat shifting a bit to the right. "All or nothing." he stuck a hand out.

I hesitated, glancing at the Thenardier camp. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a girl that must've been the daughter. She was downtrodden, miserable. "Fine." I shook the hand, tiny as it felt. "I'm Katarine. Where's your camp?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the yells of two small boys as they tumbled into him. They couldn't have been more than four or five. I couldn't hear what they babbled into Gavroche's ears, but it made him chuckle. He shooed them off.

"Just follow me."

"Who were the kids?"

He grinned. "They're my babies. I make a good father, eh?"

I laughed despite myself. "Yeah I bet you do."

He looked up at me, young face unreadable. "Maybe you'll be a good mother."

* * *

Gavroche wasn't lying about the quality of his patch. Secluded from the other beggars, but close to the homes of the rich. And his gang was genius. Most were awfully young, the ones born on the streets and raised on scraps, but they learned quickly and took orders well so long as they came from their "father". The older ones- thirteen through twenty-were more solemn, independent, but it was all too clear that Gavroche was in charge.

The first time I thought of him as anything more than the strangest boss I'd ever had was on our fourth raid. We all had the hang of it- wait, watch, pounce, plunder, then flee into shadow- but we knew something was wrong in this house. None of us could place it, not really, it was just a fleeting thought, an observation that wasn't real, a swoop in the pit of our stomachs. We knew houses, knew raids, and the shadows fell strangely here, the silence was loaded. Gavroche knew it too, but he said nothing.

Three of us had entered when he figured it out, having spent an hour scoping the outside, the foundation. He hissed at the three, beckoning them back outside. Two listened, the third was too far in to hear. "What is it?" one of them asked.

"S'not empty." he answered, a note of panic in his whisper. "The family must keep a guard, I've gotta head in after her."

"I'll do it." I muttered. He stared. "What? You need a better watch than me, and you know I can be quiet."

He nodded. "Be quick."

The girl was eleven, hadn't learned to keep quiet enough, and the guard found her before I did. "...re you with? You can't be working alone, now tell me!" the sound of a hand crashing against a face shattered the quiet. A whimper. I sized up the man, heart pounding, and decided I couldn't fight him.

A distraction then. She could be fast. "Oi!" I called out, "She's with me, hand her over."

He turned. "With you? What, you've got a girl gang then?" he sneered. I glanced at the girl and motioned for her to run while his attention was on me.

"Maybe. We're clearing out now though, so it's not really your concern. We'll keep it peaceful, eh?" she was almost at the window. The guard stepped forward, uncomfortably close.

"And what if I call the police here?"

I stepped back. He moved with me. The girl was halfway out the window. "We'd be gone before they arrived." He'd backed me into a wall. I fought the urge to shove him away.

"Scum of the street." he hissed, breath at my ear. "You wouldn't deserve to escape."

I heard the small thud outside as the girl landed on ground. Safe. I shoved him now. "You keep away from me. We didn't take a thing, just let us go!"

He glared daggers at me, and for an instant there is something dangerous, like a murderous fire, but it's gone in a second and he steps aside. "Just this once." he snarled, "But remember, nothing gets you nothing. You come near here again and I will ensure trouble for you in the worst way I can."

I ran out dizzy, nausea rising to the surface. How long had it been since I panicked? Before I know what's happening, where I am, if the gang is safe, I'm doubled over, spilling whatever I ate last night to the ground. A small hand clutched my shoulder. "You alright, Kat?" Gavroche asked. Kat. Nobody'd ever used a nickname for me before. It actually brings a smile to my face, and for the first time, I wrapped my arms around him. He hesitated, stiffening, then finally returned the hug.

"I'll be fine, little brother."

He looked up at me, as if making a decision, then smiled. "Big sister. That fits alright."


	2. Chapter 2

Months passed. Gavroche became the most important part of my life in the wake of harsher laws against people like us. We could be arrested simply for begging on corners if we weren't careful now. People grew afraid, and the fear turned to anger that radiated in the alleys. Protests were organized in secret, there were whispers of revolution.

Personally I stayed out of it as long as could, and I actually managed to succeed until a large section of those who supported revolution-the friends of the ABC, they called themselves- asked Gavroche to start running errands for them. He was small, they said, could do what a bunch of twenty-year-olds couldn't. Naturally he agreed to it.

"You'd like 'em." he'd say, cheerfully walking beside me on his way to the cafe where they held meetings. "They're real smart."

I scoffed. "They're a bunch of idiots who don't know what they're getting into."

He always gave me a sad kind of look when I said things like that, a look that made me wish I hadn't said it. But I never took it back; it was what I believed. "You wouldn't say that if you heard 'em givin' speeches. Maybe you should come with me sometime, just listen."

I'd shake my head. "Politics aren't my area."

And then he'd sigh and twist his cap. "It's not the politics, Kat. They could do just about anything with their lives but they're THERE, fighting for people like us. You can't go your whole life not believing in anything."

He was young, so damn young. Well, we all were, but Gavroche WAS youth. Hopeful, ignorant of any kind of consequence, of how the world really worked. I didn't want to see the day that changed, so I tried to protect him, but I was failing, I knew. He had his own ideology, and no matter how much I really wanted to be his sister, his mother, whatever, he couldn't be tied down. So I gave in one day to his request that I simply listen once.

There were less of them than I'd pictured, but they still took up most of the cafe. Gavroche pointed to each one in turn, telling me their names. "Courfeyrac, real friendly...Joly, I think 'e studies medicine...Grantaire, he's like you, don't believe in much 'cept for Enjolras." he pointed towards the middle of the group at a man I couldn't see clearly. "Enjolras is the one who usually talks, he'll probably start up once everyone's 'ere."

"Who're they waiting on?"

"Let's see...Combeferre, Feuilly, Prouvaire, and...I think Marius. Bit of a dreamer, that one."

I nodded and waited, listening for snatches of their conversation.  
"-rricade can't go up in that area, we'd be surrounded."  
"-and guns are obviously important, how d'you suppose we get more?"  
"-omplete idiot, I swear."  
"-put the bottle down for just a moment?"

They were clearly very involved in whatever they were planning, had probably done their research . I couldn't help but be a little impressed, but I wasn't about to dive into the talks before I heard this Enjolras man speak. The men Gavroche had said were late began filing in. There was Feuilly, a man who studied, Combeferre, Enjolras' second in command, Prouvaire, a poet by nature. Marius the dreamer was the latest, stumbling in flushed, the dark hair that sprawled over his head in disarray.

The man named Grantaire laughed when he saw him, barking a few teasing insults until the man in the middle, Enjolras I supposed, stood at last.

My breath caught, just a tiny bit. A minuscule hitch. Girls like me don't waste time looking at people, but...he was worth a few seconds. Every story I'd been told about some hero on a horse seemed to have had him in mind. Very tall, built lean, strong. He WAS a leader, you could see it in his posture, in the way he took on public speaking as if it were perfectly natural. He had a ridiculous amount of thick blonde hair, even tied back, but it framed his angular face well. You couldn't help but notice the features in that face, the striking blue eyes full of fire, the long, tapering nose, high cheekbones, even the almost feminine curve in the mouth.

The man was a fucking angel.

Was that the only reason people listened to his speeches? To stare at him? Oh, how I wanted to believe that. He could've just been another stupid pretty boy with dreams only he would ever grasp and I could've walked out still ignorant, still not caring a whit for politics or revolution or any of it. In fact I should've walked out right then, angels are trouble for the people who live in shadow. But I listened because my little brother asked me to and I just couldn't deny him a damn thing.

"We're all here now, I see." he began, glancing pointedly at Marius. "Reports, Combeferre, you start."

"We have building materials for the barricade but we still need a location and more labor."

"Feuilly?"

"We're stocked on ammunition, but there's little to put it in."

"Courfeyrac?"

"Nothing new on the armies."

He nodded, taking it in. "Combeferre, you, Marius and I will take on recruiting for labor and location strategy. Feuilly, you, Joly, and Prouvaire can continue your supply search and take note that ammunition is useless without guns. I have no intention of throwing bullets. Gavroche!"

The child ran forward. "Yes, sir?"

"Keep an eye on General Lamarque. Marius tells me his health is failing and whether he lives or dies can affect all of this. Is there anyone in your gang who can read?"

Oh no.

"Yes, she's with me, over there." he pointed.

Damn him. And damn the woman from years ago who'd insisted I learn to read.

"You there!" Enjolras beckoned me over. I came hesitantly. "Your name?"

"Katarine." I muttered, trying not to stare. Up close he was even more radiant.

"Katarine. That's lovely." he smiled. "You can read, can you?"

I swallowed. "I'm out of practice, but yes, a little."

He handed me the paper he was scribbling on. "That is where General Lamarque is staying. You and Gavroche check up on him in turns. Say you're his niece and nephew or whatever you have to. You should come back here every evening to report. Is all that alright?" he looked up. Direct eye contact. For some reason it made me squirm.

"Of course. May I ask why this is so important?"

He sighed. "You know who Lamarque is, of course?"

"Some politician. I'm supposed to like him."

He half-smirked. "He is the only person in the entire system of our government to speak up for people like you and Gavroche. He is the only thing keeping our king and his officers from trying to wipe you all out completely. I don't just mean arrests, I mean on-the-spot executions. If he dies...well I don't honestly know what will happen, but it will be bloody. And it will change the way all of us live for centuries to come."

"So we want him to live?"

He smoothed a piece of hair behind his ear. "If he survives this illness he still won't have long. We need to think of this as an opportunity for some real change!"

"How so?"

"Lamarque's doesn't have to be the only voice out there. If the people-people like these men, people like you, everyone- were to stand together in a united display against how the government is run now, they would have no choice but to change. Government rely on the people being afraid of them, but it should always be the other way around. That's why we're here, Miss Katarine, to stir up a little fear for the politicians. Do you understand?"

They were just words, of course I knew that. But there was something behind them, a kind of promise of something that I couldn't quite grasp, and despite myself, I was intrigued, drawn to him, to all he represented. "Yes, I understand."

"Well alright then." he smiled again. "One more job for you, Miss."

"Yes?"

He glanced out the door where Gavroche had run out. "Look after him for me. He's smarter than most, but...well you know how young he is. Liable to get into trouble."

I nodded. "I'll do my best, sir."


	3. Chapter 3

Lamarque was a withered man, in the kind of state where nobody would really mind if he died because it just had to be better than whatever this horrible illness was. He couldn't see more than five feet in front of him, he coughed continually with few breaks, and his skin had taken on the appearance of paper. I was in the room when he died and I wasn't a whit surprised. He'd earned rest. I stood before Gavroche did, eager to get back to the cafe; this was big news after all. He was lingering for some reason, staring at Lamarque's face as if trying to count the lines around the lifeless eyes. "Gavroche." I muttered, shaking his shoulder, "We need to tell the boys, come on."

He didn't move. "This man was one of the good ones. Just give me a sec, would ya?"

I blinked in surprise, but waited at the door. When he rose, slowly, it was with a kind of reverence and I knew he'd just lived in one of those moments that makes you more grown up whether you like it or not. "Gav, you can just go home if you want, I can tell them myself."

He shook his head. "I haven't got a home." his voice cracked when he said it. "But he...he spent his life trying to change that. I'll tell 'em. And then I'll ask to fight with 'em."

My heart plummeted into my stomach. "I wish you wouldn't." I couldn't outright forbid him, of course I couldn't. I was HIS employee at the end of the day, after all.

"I know. But...what else can I do?"

He was right and I knew it. "Fine." I sighed, "But I'm fighting with you."

"Kat, please, don't do that for me. At least pretend to do it for something else, I can't...I can't think about you getting...hurt because of me."

My chest seemed to swell from the inside. "Then I'll fight for...for Enjolras, alright?"

He laughed a little. "Yeah, I thought you might fancy him."

He was teasing of course. So how did I explain the flutters in the bottom of my stomach? "Oh, shut it." I gave him a push, forcing a smile.

His eyes widened in surprise, a grin spreading over his face. "Ha! You really do, don't you?" he knew what my silence meant and sobered at once. "Oh, Kat, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said a thing, it's your business. But...I mean, do you?"

I thought back. Back to Enjolras drawing me to him despite all my protestations and ideas. Back to the smile that flashed over that angelic face when I listened to him. Enjolras in my dreams, laughing. Enjolras in my nightmares, bleeding. "I care about him a great deal." I forced out at last, "That much I know. Anything beyond that is murky."

* * *

The streets were peaceful when we left; it was twilight, the time after shopkeepers closed down and before the poor, lesser beings had their way in the dark. The cafe, on the other hand, was in utter chaos. The boys were excited, all of them, shouting across tables and leaping from chair to chair. It took Gavroche three tries before his high-pitched cry of "LISTEN, EVERYBODY!" was loud enough to penetrate the noise. They quieted, waiting. He came right out with it. "General Lamarque is dead."

Utter silence. Enjolras glanced at me, asking with an eyebrow raise if the news was true. I nodded curtly.

"Lamarque is dead." he repeated. You could practically see the gears in his head whirring. "Lamarque...his death is the hour of fate..." he was muttering to himself, pacing. "The people's man...Lamarque!" he smacked the table in front of him, startling Grantaire. "His death is the sign we await!" we all looked at him, puzzled. "On his funeral day they will honor his name in a cry that will reach every ear. Katarine, Gavroche, you knew what he meant, how people will respond to his death! Their anger will spread, and from the death of Lamarque we will kindle our flame! They will see what must be done, that their day of salvation is near!" the fire behind his eyes was raging, fueled by the shouts of the men around him.

They spent the night singing, drinking, talking, and planning, until one by one they either leave or pass out. "Katarine?"

I looked up from the history book that Combeferre had leant me. Enjolras was sitting next to me. "Hello there."

"I think we're the only ones still here and awake." he said with a small chuckle. I glanced around and realized he was right. Joly was slumped in a corner and Grantaire was face-down on a table nearby, but otherwise the place had cleared out.

"Well look at that." I muttered without looking up. "Poor Grantaire."

"Indeed. What are you working on?"

"Oh, Combeferre suggested I learn a bit about the...the idea of what we're doing."

He scooted closer, and my heart did the same stupid flutter. "Well, you're looking in the right place. Could I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Could you look at me first?" I forced my eyes upward to meet his. "Gavroche told me about you before you came here. He said you were like Grantaire, you don't believe in much."

"And?"

"And here you are, reading a textbook about something you don't believe in when you could be getting some sleep. I have to wonder why."

I sighed and shut the book. "Why don't you just ask Grantaire if we're so similar?"

He looked shocked for a moment, then half-grinned. "Grantaire!" he called. The man started awake. "Why're you fighting with us?"

His face twisted into confusion. "Why does it matter?"

"We're curious, just humor us."

"I...I don't want to say." he said stubbornly.

Enjolras laughed quietly. "See what I mean? He's impossible. I was hoping you'd tell me."

Those damn eyes were boring into me. "I guess because it's the right thing to do. Because some people are worth fighting for."

"People?"

"I meant things." I said hurriedly, "Some things."

"And hypothetically, if you had meant people?" he was teasing me.

"Gavroche is worth it." I said too quickly.

"Indeed he is." he said with a thoughtful smile.

I still don't know what made me do it. Maybe it was the glass of wine Prouvaire had talked me into drinking. Perhaps it was the closeness of him, or the fact that it was the first real conversation we'd had. Maybe I'd been thinking too much about what Gavroche had said earlier about fancying him. No matter the cause, I said something along the lines of "So are you", and before I knew it my mouth was pressed on his.

He kissed back for the briefest of seconds before he pulled away almost violently, eyes wide. "I-I'm so sorry." I stuttered, tucking the book under my arm. "I'll just...go home."

As it was, I ran back to Gavroche's camp as quickly as I could without looking back. If i had I would've noticed the flash of anger on Grantaire's face before he turned to Enjolras with forlorn eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

It'd been weeks. The barricade was built with the help of local townspeople, and kept me busy enough that I couldn't have talked to Enjolras if I'd wanted to. One volunteer, a former soldier, had offered to infiltrate the army for information. The Barricade Boys and I were happy to have him, though Gavroche didn't trust him. "I've seen 'im somewhere, I just know it." he'd tell me. It made me uneasy, but we needed all we could get.

One morning just past dawn we received warning from an officer that we had until nightfall to surrender or we would be attacked. Enjolras replied by telling him to "Damn the warnings and the lies". He said it almost casually, just a small trace of anger in his voice, but we knew what it meant. Tonight heralded the first battle.

It was on the way back to the cafe that I noticed a girl I swore I'd seen before. But it'd been ages, and what was she doing outside the ABC?

"Can I help you, miss?" she started, then stood.

"I was waiting for Marius. He's around here, isn't he?" her brown eyes widened just a hair when she said his name.

"Somewhere on the barricade, yes. Your name?"

She twisted her cap. The gesture was oddly familiar. "Eponine. You?"

"Kat. D'you mind if I ask why so keen on Marius?" She turned away, and her solemn expression reminded me where I'd seen her. Thenardier's daughter, the unhappy one. "Or not, sorry. He'll be here soon."

She nodded curtly. "Thank you."

So she was on the barricade for love as well, poor thing. I pondered how we all ended up trapped by it in the end. It was a cycle, really. Attraction, trust, love, betrayal, hurt. She would be at the barricade, come whatever hell to pay, just like me. I felt an odd connection to her.

"Just us again." the voice startled me out of my thoughts.

"Looks that way." Enjolras sat down to my right. "I meant to talk to you about the other night, it's just-"

"-we've been so busy." he finished for me, "I know."

A pause stretched between us. "So..."

He passed a hand over his face. "Kat, we may all die tonight." A short sentence that meant a great deal. _No, Kat. It's too much of a risk. Not you. _"Do you understand?"

I nodded. "I'm not what you're fighting for."

His fists clenched, practically of their accord, as they did when he grew frustrated. "This is bigger than either of us. Bigger than what we can even imagine. And for this effort to work, I can't be too close to anyone or it could all go wrong. You must understand that."

I stood to leave. "Of course. I'll be there to fight with you, and don't tell me you'd rather see me safe. I believe in France too." he kept silent. On the way out I nearly ran straight into Grantaire.

"Sorry." he muttered, stepping away from the wall he was leaning against. "I saw you go in and I wanted to talk to you."

"Why's that?"

"What did Enjolras say to you? About the other night, I mean."

Anger burned between my chest and my stomach. "That isn't your business, monsieur."

"It's more my business than you'd think." he spat.

I glared. "Nothing, alright? He's at that barricade for his country, can't have any distractions." He fell back against the wall, seeming almost relieved for some reason. "Glad you're so happy about it." I snapped.

"It puts my mind at ease to know he's been honest with me and consistent with himself, that's all."

"How do you mean?"

His mouth twitched up in what I would've called a smile if it hadn't held so much sadness. "You know about the similarities between us. How little we have faith in." I disliked being grouped with Grantaire, but I nodded. "I can't bring myself to believe in a god, I dislike revolutions because history shows us that people just don't learn from them. But I believe in Enjolras. Always have, with every fiber of my being."

It dawned on me slowly. "You love him."

"As much as I can, yes."

It didn't surprise me as much as it should have. What did was the foreign quality in his voice I hadn't heard before now, like a burst of clarity. "Grantaire, are you sober?"

He genuinely smirked. "Can't be drunk at a barricade, can I? It's odd, not seeing the fuzz at the edges of everything." He glanced upwards. "Sun's going down. We should find the others."

"Right." I nodded curtly and followed after him.


End file.
